Posts
such mean girls!
1 day ago
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
NO MORE SPECIAL RIGHTS FOR HOMOS!!
Did you know that you can get married while on Death Row awaiting your execution, Even if killing your last wife is what put you there? (Not that that mouthy bitch didn't deserve to die of course) Did you know that in certain US States you can get married as young as 13 years old? Did you know that in half the States you are allowed to marry your First Cousin? Here in the United States we have done everything that we can possibly do in order to make marriage an easy thing for all of us to participate in.
That's because Marriage stimulates our economy. Current Estimates say that Weddings are a $50-$60 billion dollar a year industry in the United States. I believe this number includes Tux Rentals, Honeymoons, as well as stripper and penicillin costs for the bachelor party. The average Wedding costs somewhere between $15-$20K. Then there are all of the other hidden expenditures that aren't figured into that number. People have to move out of Dad's basement and buy a house or trailer of their own. After a few weeks to a few months, the happy couple's alcohol expenditures will increase dramatically, especially once they both realize that they have somehow married the absolute dumbest fuck to ever walk upright.
That's why God created Divorce. Because it is said that "It is better to divorce than it is to murder."
Depending upon which set of statistics that you want to believe, 41-50% percent of first marriages, 60-67% of second and marriages and 73- 74% of third marriages will all end in divorce.
The good news is that just like Marriage, Divorce also stimulates our economy. Divorce is estimated at being a $25-$30 billion-a-year industry with the average divorce costing somewhere between $15-$20K, not to mention the loss of your soul and half of your shit.
Now here is the part that is going to make you angry. Did you know that Homosexuals are exempt from all of this? They can buy a House or a Trailer and set up a household and live just like married couples. The difference is that since they don't have to get married, when they get tired of each others shit, they don't have to get divorced either. They can just pack a bag, get in the car, and set up a new household with somebody else the very next day. There is no waiting period before they are free or anything like that. They are free to come and go as they please whenever they want to. They contribute absolutely nothing to the $75-$90 billion dollar a year Marriage and Divorce industries. What makes them so damned special that they don't have to lose half of their shit like everyone else does? Why should they get a Get Out of Hell Free card? How come they don't have to endure a year long separation before they can finally be free of that hateful bitch/bastard? IT'S BECAUSE THEY ARE SPECIAL
Statistics say that approx 59% of the population who is of legal age to marry are in fact married. Looking at various surveys, the percentage of people in the United States who identify themselves as "Gay" is somewhere between 5-10%. So taking these numbers conservatively, as I would prefer to err on the side of caution, Lets just assume that 5% of the population is Gay and of that Gay population, lets assume that 50% are stupid enough to get married. If you crunch those numbers down, that would increase the Marriage and divorce rates in the US by somewhere around 2.5% So if Marriage and Divorce are a $80 billion dollar a year industry, then Gay people should be contributing an additional $2 billion to our National Economy. they SHOULD BE, BUT THEY AREN'T Why aren't they contributing this money into our economy? Are they somehow too good to do so? Yes, IT'S BECAUSE THEY ARE SPECIAL
NO MORE SPECIAL RIGHTS FOR HOMOS!
I think that it is time to end these special rights for Gays. They should have to marry just like the rest of us. Why should they not have to experience the absolute hopelessness that comes when your soul withers away due to being trapped in a long and sex free marriage to a hateful foul demon masquerading as a human being, like so many of us have to suffer through? Why should they be allowed to hoard an extra $2 billion dollars that should be going into our economy?
IT'S BECAUSE THEY ARE SPECIAL
Another question that needs to be answered is just how exactly did they pull this off? How did they get the Trial Lawyers, one of the more effective Congressional lobbying groups, to just blindly shut up and completely ignore this revenue stream? What about the various Bridal Magazines, Shows, and Boutiques not to mention the various Churches, Reception Halls, Caterers etc? How have these Radical Gay activists been able to silence these people so that they can continue to be allowed to live in sin and exempt themselves from participating in our economy as well as our communities.
IT'S BECAUSE THEY ARE SPECIAL
Well, I for one am sick of it.
NO MORE SPECIAL RIGHTS FOR HOMOS!
I am not going to be happy until Gay people are forced to live the same way as Straight people do, No more special privileges, no more special rights. If they want to be Americans, then dammit,they should be forced to act like Americans, and that includes Marriage and Divorce.
NO MORE SPECIAL RIGHTS FOR HOMOS!
Tell your friends and your neighbors, Stand up for your rights!
NO MORE SPECIAL RIGHTS FOR HOMOS!
BigDumbHick
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
BigDumbHick - The Performance Artist
My parents bought me a cheap guitar back from Mexico when I was 12 or 13 years old. I took a few lessons where I learned some basic chords. I wanted to be a rock star, but I didn't want to put in the time and effort necessary and I eventually forgot all about that guitar. I have no idea what ever even happened to the thing.
In 1983 I was in the Navy and my ship was was sitting on the gunline off the coast of Beirut, Lebanon. I was bored. There was absolutely nothing to do except sleep and stand watch. I had read every book that I could get my hands on. One day I am just sitting there staring at the water when I had a thought. One of the guys that I worked with had brought a guitar along, and I wondered if I still knew how to play. I picked up the guitar and was surprised that I still remembered those long ago learned chord shapes. When that cruise was over and we got back to the United States, I attended my first Bluegrass Festival in Smithfield Va to see Bill Monroe. It was there that I was introduced to the Jamming and Parking Lot picking and from that point on I was hooked.
Talking to my relatives, I discovered that I was not the first musician in teh family. It's something that we didn't talk about very much because of the shame,. but my great-grandfather on my mother's side was an alcoholic banjo player. (alcoholism is a requirement to be a banjo player in some states) I also discovered that my father was a local Honky Tonk singer. No wonder my mother divorced him, well at least he didn't play the banjo. Regardless, I come from a long line of attention whores. I guess that means that I come by it honest.
I was recently reading some psychiatric magazine mumbo-jumbo about Alpha Waves where it said that music, or the repetitive motions involved in making music, supposedly stimulated alpha waves in some peoples brains. It said that when your brain was in an alpha state, your brain slowed down and your awareness was supposed to expand, your fears would all vanish, you would feel a sense of peace and well being, and all of the hot chicks in the area would experience the overwhelming compulsion to show you their bare breasts. In other words, it said that Alpha waves are good.
I play music because I have to. I don't know if it is due to the Alpha Waves addiction, the fact that I am an attention whore, or just what it is that propels that need, I just know that I possess it. I crave playing music and being on stage like a junkie craves the needle. One of the greatest feelings I have ever experienced was playing with a group of people in a field in the middle of Nowhere, Missouri where by some magical fluke, we are all perfectly in synch, all of us were right in the pocket. The harmonies were perfect and everything was as it should be. Time just seemed to stop and the music just kind of crystallized in the air. I remembering being filled with an overwhelming sense of joy and intimacy and wondering if this was in anyway similar to what God must have felt like when He created the universe.
I have been chasing that feeling every since.
I've played in all kinds of different bands, both rock and country music, I've played bluegrass and old-time music with some pretty well known musicians on some respectable stages and around campfires all around the world. I have always wanted to put together my own band together, to play my kind of music, to follow my personal musical vision, instead of someone elses, but I have had difficulty finding these like-minded individuals who have the time to devote.
I have never let that stop me.
When I get the opportunity I play with others, I take it, but if there is no money to pay somebody else to play a gig along with me, I just do it by myself. I can pull that off and it's usually a whole lot less hassle.
I reallyhave a desire to be taken seriously as a musician, because I am under the delusion that I am a pretty good picker, but it seems like my personality, my natural irreverence, my disdain for any type of authority, and my self depreciating and totally whacked-out sense of humor all get in the way to the point where sometimes I'm not sure of whether I should market myself as a comedy act or a musical one... or both. I don't really write songs, instead I screw up other peoples songs. I don't perform them the way you are probably used to hearing them. I've been accused by some of not playing some songs the correct way. In fact I was once referred to as a "Song Molester. " I'm not sure what that means. Also I have never understood what the correct way refers to. Now why in the hell would I want to ever play anything the correct way anyhow? I prefer to play these tunes my way. I discovered that the Violent Femmes - Blister in the Sun makes a pretty damned good Honky Tonk song, as does Blue Oyster Cult's - Godzilla.
What I normally tell people from the stage is "If you want to hear these songs done the "right" way, well you are hearing them done the "right" way. If you really want to hear them the way that they were originally recorded, then go buy the damned original recordings, shut up and let the rest of us have our fun.
Recently, a friend called me to tell me that he had run across a DVD that contained some film he had shot of a couple of my solo performances and wanted me to have a copy. I have always had a difficult time explaining to people what it is that I do on stage. Telling people that I tell these stories and that I play fucked up hillbilly music that is best suited for getting drunk or divorced to just doesn't seem to adequately describe what it is that I do. Now I have video evidence.
I'm getting ready to share that with you.
I now have in my possession an hour length DVD of these performances, Knowing what cheap bastards all of you are, I know that none of you would ever fork over the money to actually buy a DVD of my performances, so I broke it into manageable sections and posted it all on the You Tube.
Below you will find all of those clips, in the correct order. Below that are the links to teh album I recorded in about 2 hours last fall, Because this post is primarily being posted in an effort to get gigs, I am also going to post a recent set list. I know several hundred tunes, so that set list varies quite a bit.
Look all of this stuff over and then get hold of me at twangzine@gmail.com if you think that I may be the perfect entertainer for your next House Concert; Bar, Tavern, Restaurant, or Club; Pig Picking or Chicken Stew; Your Bris, Cross burning, Eid ul-Fitr, Juneteenth celebration, or Church Social Solstice; your Engagement party, Wedding, Divorce Celebration, Hanging, Gay Pride event, Birthday Party, or any other event or celebration that you might be having.
Enjoy.
Jeff Wall
aka BigDumbHick
BigDumbHick - Jeff Wall - The DVD via YouTube
BigDumbHick - Jeff Wall - It is what it is - The Album
Downloadable mp3's
01 - jeff wall - call me the breeze
02 - jeff wall - big river
03 - jeff wall - after midnight
04 - jeff wall - carmelita
05 - jeff wall - mississippi kid
06 - jeff wall - please be with me
07 - jeff wall - state trooper
08 - jeff wall - swinging doors
09 - jeff wall - taking care of business
10 - jeff wall - you shook me all night long
BigDumbHick - Jeff Wall - Typical Set List
Hello, I'm a BigDumbHick
Are You Ready for the Country – Neil Young
Big River – Johnny Cash
No Expectations – Rolling Stones
Introduction & Story - George Jones & Heroin
Dead Flowers - Rolling Stones
Carmelita - Warren Zevon
Lonesome Ornery and Mean – Steve Young
Story - Vatican
Plastic Jesus - Unknown
Gimme a Ride To Heaven Boy – Terry Allen
The Lord'll Provide – Mike Cross
Story - Ying/Yang
Sympathy for the Devil – Rolling Stones
Story - My Criminal Career
Time to get a gun – Freed Eaglesmith
Folsom Prison Blues – Johnny Cash
Washed My Hands in Muddy Water – Stonewall Jackson
State Trooper – Bruce Springsteen
Story - Audience Participation
Mercedez Benz - Janis Joplin
YMCA – The Village People
Dead Skunk - Louden Wainwright III
Story - Fucking up
Company I Keep – Drive By Truckers
Only Hell My Mama Ever raised – Johnny Paycheck
Story - Crazy Chicks
Dim Lights, Thick Smoke – Joe Maphis
That’s How I Got to Memphis – Tom T Hall
Dixie Chicken – Little Feat
These Boots Are Made For Walking – Nancy Sinatra
Story - My wife's music
Blister in the Sun – Violent Femmes
Help – the Beatles
Story - Rock and Roll
Godzilla – Blue Oyster Cult
Taking Care of Business – Bachman Turner Overdrive
Seven Bridges Road – Steve Young
You Shook Me All Night Long – AC/DC
In 1983 I was in the Navy and my ship was was sitting on the gunline off the coast of Beirut, Lebanon. I was bored. There was absolutely nothing to do except sleep and stand watch. I had read every book that I could get my hands on. One day I am just sitting there staring at the water when I had a thought. One of the guys that I worked with had brought a guitar along, and I wondered if I still knew how to play. I picked up the guitar and was surprised that I still remembered those long ago learned chord shapes. When that cruise was over and we got back to the United States, I attended my first Bluegrass Festival in Smithfield Va to see Bill Monroe. It was there that I was introduced to the Jamming and Parking Lot picking and from that point on I was hooked.
Talking to my relatives, I discovered that I was not the first musician in teh family. It's something that we didn't talk about very much because of the shame,. but my great-grandfather on my mother's side was an alcoholic banjo player. (alcoholism is a requirement to be a banjo player in some states) I also discovered that my father was a local Honky Tonk singer. No wonder my mother divorced him, well at least he didn't play the banjo. Regardless, I come from a long line of attention whores. I guess that means that I come by it honest.
I was recently reading some psychiatric magazine mumbo-jumbo about Alpha Waves where it said that music, or the repetitive motions involved in making music, supposedly stimulated alpha waves in some peoples brains. It said that when your brain was in an alpha state, your brain slowed down and your awareness was supposed to expand, your fears would all vanish, you would feel a sense of peace and well being, and all of the hot chicks in the area would experience the overwhelming compulsion to show you their bare breasts. In other words, it said that Alpha waves are good.
I play music because I have to. I don't know if it is due to the Alpha Waves addiction, the fact that I am an attention whore, or just what it is that propels that need, I just know that I possess it. I crave playing music and being on stage like a junkie craves the needle. One of the greatest feelings I have ever experienced was playing with a group of people in a field in the middle of Nowhere, Missouri where by some magical fluke, we are all perfectly in synch, all of us were right in the pocket. The harmonies were perfect and everything was as it should be. Time just seemed to stop and the music just kind of crystallized in the air. I remembering being filled with an overwhelming sense of joy and intimacy and wondering if this was in anyway similar to what God must have felt like when He created the universe.
I have been chasing that feeling every since.
I've played in all kinds of different bands, both rock and country music, I've played bluegrass and old-time music with some pretty well known musicians on some respectable stages and around campfires all around the world. I have always wanted to put together my own band together, to play my kind of music, to follow my personal musical vision, instead of someone elses, but I have had difficulty finding these like-minded individuals who have the time to devote.
I have never let that stop me.
When I get the opportunity I play with others, I take it, but if there is no money to pay somebody else to play a gig along with me, I just do it by myself. I can pull that off and it's usually a whole lot less hassle.
I reallyhave a desire to be taken seriously as a musician, because I am under the delusion that I am a pretty good picker, but it seems like my personality, my natural irreverence, my disdain for any type of authority, and my self depreciating and totally whacked-out sense of humor all get in the way to the point where sometimes I'm not sure of whether I should market myself as a comedy act or a musical one... or both. I don't really write songs, instead I screw up other peoples songs. I don't perform them the way you are probably used to hearing them. I've been accused by some of not playing some songs the correct way. In fact I was once referred to as a "Song Molester. " I'm not sure what that means. Also I have never understood what the correct way refers to. Now why in the hell would I want to ever play anything the correct way anyhow? I prefer to play these tunes my way. I discovered that the Violent Femmes - Blister in the Sun makes a pretty damned good Honky Tonk song, as does Blue Oyster Cult's - Godzilla.
What I normally tell people from the stage is "If you want to hear these songs done the "right" way, well you are hearing them done the "right" way. If you really want to hear them the way that they were originally recorded, then go buy the damned original recordings, shut up and let the rest of us have our fun.
Recently, a friend called me to tell me that he had run across a DVD that contained some film he had shot of a couple of my solo performances and wanted me to have a copy. I have always had a difficult time explaining to people what it is that I do on stage. Telling people that I tell these stories and that I play fucked up hillbilly music that is best suited for getting drunk or divorced to just doesn't seem to adequately describe what it is that I do. Now I have video evidence.
I'm getting ready to share that with you.
I now have in my possession an hour length DVD of these performances, Knowing what cheap bastards all of you are, I know that none of you would ever fork over the money to actually buy a DVD of my performances, so I broke it into manageable sections and posted it all on the You Tube.
Below you will find all of those clips, in the correct order. Below that are the links to teh album I recorded in about 2 hours last fall, Because this post is primarily being posted in an effort to get gigs, I am also going to post a recent set list. I know several hundred tunes, so that set list varies quite a bit.
Look all of this stuff over and then get hold of me at twangzine@gmail.com if you think that I may be the perfect entertainer for your next House Concert; Bar, Tavern, Restaurant, or Club; Pig Picking or Chicken Stew; Your Bris, Cross burning, Eid ul-Fitr, Juneteenth celebration, or Church Social Solstice; your Engagement party, Wedding, Divorce Celebration, Hanging, Gay Pride event, Birthday Party, or any other event or celebration that you might be having.
Enjoy.
Jeff Wall
aka BigDumbHick
BigDumbHick - Jeff Wall - The DVD via YouTube
BigDumbHick - Jeff Wall - It is what it is - The Album
Downloadable mp3's
01 - jeff wall - call me the breeze
02 - jeff wall - big river
03 - jeff wall - after midnight
04 - jeff wall - carmelita
05 - jeff wall - mississippi kid
06 - jeff wall - please be with me
07 - jeff wall - state trooper
08 - jeff wall - swinging doors
09 - jeff wall - taking care of business
10 - jeff wall - you shook me all night long
BigDumbHick - Jeff Wall - Typical Set List
Hello, I'm a BigDumbHick
Are You Ready for the Country – Neil Young
Big River – Johnny Cash
No Expectations – Rolling Stones
Introduction & Story - George Jones & Heroin
Dead Flowers - Rolling Stones
Carmelita - Warren Zevon
Lonesome Ornery and Mean – Steve Young
Story - Vatican
Plastic Jesus - Unknown
Gimme a Ride To Heaven Boy – Terry Allen
The Lord'll Provide – Mike Cross
Story - Ying/Yang
Sympathy for the Devil – Rolling Stones
Story - My Criminal Career
Time to get a gun – Freed Eaglesmith
Folsom Prison Blues – Johnny Cash
Washed My Hands in Muddy Water – Stonewall Jackson
State Trooper – Bruce Springsteen
Story - Audience Participation
Mercedez Benz - Janis Joplin
YMCA – The Village People
Dead Skunk - Louden Wainwright III
Story - Fucking up
Company I Keep – Drive By Truckers
Only Hell My Mama Ever raised – Johnny Paycheck
Story - Crazy Chicks
Dim Lights, Thick Smoke – Joe Maphis
That’s How I Got to Memphis – Tom T Hall
Dixie Chicken – Little Feat
These Boots Are Made For Walking – Nancy Sinatra
Story - My wife's music
Blister in the Sun – Violent Femmes
Help – the Beatles
Story - Rock and Roll
Godzilla – Blue Oyster Cult
Taking Care of Business – Bachman Turner Overdrive
Seven Bridges Road – Steve Young
You Shook Me All Night Long – AC/DC
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)