In fact, Here is my resume:
Jeff Wall
OBJECTIVE: A position making lots of money playing music for hot chicks who think I am cool.
RELEVANT SKILLS:
Trained Killer – I served 20 Years in the Navy. During that period of time I had to on occasion perform various duties in the Galley helping to prepare and serve food. It was there that I perfected my gastronomical assignation skills. I am now considered an expert at the ancient art of killing from within. Unfortunately, I am unable to provide any references BECAUSE THEY ALL DIED!
Skilled Lover – When I set my eyes on a woman, and decide that she is worthy of my affection, she can’t resist me. That’s because I am tall and handsome, an accomplished lover, carry duct tape and have built up a tolerance to pepper spray. Unfortunately, I am unable to provide any references because I am not allowed to be within 500 ft or to have any contact whatsoever with any of my ex-girlfriends, or with any livestock in Stokes County.
World Famous Entertainer - At least in some parts of the world. If you’ve never heard of me, it’s because you haven’t traveled enough of the world. I would recommend that you go away for awhile until you realize who it is that I think I am.
Model & Actor – My face and/or likeness has appeared on such noted television programs as COPS, and In Search of Bigfoot. My likeness has also been used as the Before Model for such products as Jenny Craig, Thigh-Master, Hartz Flea & Tick Shampoo, Natures Own Back Hair Removal Cream, and Lee Press-on Teeth.
WORK EXPERIENCE: I’m a working musician. However, those two words don’t really go together. You can work or you can be a musician. Not both. I choose musician. They pay is not as good, but nobody ever walked up to a muffler mechanic and showed their boobies.
Primarily, I play music to get drunk and divorced to, sinning music, done Hillbilly style, the kind of music that God prefers. I mostly play covers, but they are covers of songs you have probably never heard of before. The songs that you have heard, you have never heard done this way. In addition to singing my little songs, I also tell these little stories. The crowd seems to enjoy it. At least nobody has shot at me yet and I consider that a good sign. I usually like to play my music for money, but am willing to occasionally play for tips or even for free, but there needs to be a damned good reason, and some damned nice boobies.
All in all, I think that I am the perfect person to play your next House Concert, Bar, Tavern, Restaurant, Coffee Shop, Winery, Moonshine Still or Strip Joint. I usually play with myself, but if the money is right I can often get people to play with me if necessary. I am an Equal Opportunity
Below are some examples of my excellent work.
BigDumbHick - Jeff Wall - The DVD via YouTube
BigDumbHick - Jeff Wall - It is what it is - The Album
Downloadable mp3's
01 - jeff wall - call me the breeze
02 - jeff wall - big river
03 - jeff wall - after midnight
04 - jeff wall - carmelita
05 - jeff wall - mississippi kid
06 - jeff wall - please be with me
07 - jeff wall - state trooper
08 - jeff wall - swinging doors
09 - jeff wall - taking care of business
10 - jeff wall - you shook me all night long
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