NAVY #04 Underway again, I just can't wait to get underway again

originally written in 1996

I'm embarrassed by this, I mean, really I am. it's some of the most unfunny and amateurish crap I have ever written. It was the first thing I ever wrote, other than school work and notes on various bathroom walls. I wrote it 12 or so years ago, back in 1996 and posted it on a couple of music discussion boards that I frequented. I did it for my own enjoyment and because we were such a small and tight knit community that I actually thought that there were a few people who would be interested in my day to day life. I've always been self centered and self absorbed like that. I really want to go back through it and rewrite it but then I ask myself why? Wouldn't it just be better to go back through and erase the sumbitch?

If nothing else, I can look at this and see how my writing has improved (hopefully) over the years. For those of you who remember the original, here it is again. For those of you who think it sucks, you are not alone.

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When I got to Norfolk, I went and checked into my new ship. As soon as I walked aboard, I was told to go home and have a good weekend because we were getting underway on Monday.

Monday Morning I woke up, (Which is better than not waking up), And it was time for the ship to leave. We spent a long time trying to get moving when somebody finally got the idea that if you untie those big ropes holding us to the pier, we could probably move faster through the water. I wish I had thought of that! Once we got the ropes off and backed out of our parking space without running over anyone, we were headed East. This was pretty cool. I hadn't been out on the open ocean in quiet a while, I was enjoying myself. After going East for a while, we turned South. Then we turned West and did that for a little bit. Then we went North some. Then we went East again. we got pretty good at making right hand turns. We did this for the rest of the day just so we could become perfect at it.

About 1600 (4pm for you lubbers) we set Flight Quarters. Helicopters came out and practiced landing on us. They never stopped to visit. They just landed for a second or two then took off again. They did this for 5 hours. What in the hell is going on here? Is this some Helo Pilot version of counting coup? If it is, then why not do it on a submarine, or better yet, a submerged submarine? Then you would really have some thing to brag about to the chicks hanging out at the Officers Club. Instead it was like some lost tourist turning around in your driveway. You get up and turn on the light because you think folks are coming by to visit just to watch them leave again. So you sit back down and get comfortable and then there are headlights in the driveway again and you have to get up and, well you know how it goes. If I had been at the house I would of called the law.

Tuesday Morning I woke up again. (Which is usually a sign that it's gonna be a bad day.) After having mastered the right hand turn yesterday, we practiced it some more today. We went East for a while, then South, then West, then North, then East again. That afternoon the damnned helo's were turning around in the driveway again. Either park them, get out, come on in and visit for a while, or stay the hell away. I wish I had thought to bring my shotgun.

Wednesday Morning I woke up again. (There has to be a better way to start the day.) We were headed East. Then we did something really dangerous. We turned North!! Then we went West for a while before we headed South. It was so exciting we did this a bunch! The crew was ecstatic. Danger really heightens the senses. The helo's left us alone today. I don't know if it had anything to do with the 800 rounds of 20mm ammunition I fired off from the gatling guns yesterday or not. I really need to get that thing sighted in better. Without those damn helos bouncing off of us, I slept like a baby.

Thursday (Today) we decided to come home. All that excitement from those left turns had really drained us. We parked the ship and used those ropes to tie us to the pier so nobody would steal the ship when we weren't looking. I am waiting for somebody to invent one of those antitheft Club devices for ships. Then I wouldn't have to stand duty every 4 days. If we put one of them Clubs on the steering wheel, we could all go home and sleep better at night. But then again, we might come to work one morning and find the ship sitting up on blocks with the propeller gone and all the radios missing.