ruminations on homosexuality

If I was going to repost the one about Homosexuals and the Bible, I felt that I needed to repost this one as well.

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Recently, me and some friends of mine were talking about sex. Specifically kinky sex. Somehow or another, the subject of homosexuality came up, and how does a person tell if they are a homosexual? I don't know. I was always told that if you do that kind of stuff for fun, then you are a fag, but if you do it for money, then you are a bidnessman.

I once thought about becoming a homosexual. I figured what's the difference? I been married a long time and I don't get laid anymore. What would be the difference between being a celibate heterosexual and a celibate homosexual? So I decided to do some research. I went and talked to my fag brother and his husband, as well as several of my fag buddies about converting over to the dark side. These people are ALWAYS surrounded by hot chicks. Super hot chicks. Big tittied, flat bellied, Playboy model, high quality smoking hot chicks. It seems that these super fine hot chicks like to hang around homosexuals. That rocks. That's a pretty damned good argument to become a homosexual.

I was told that in order for me to be a homo, I would have to clean it up somewhat. I was told that queers tend to "style" their hair, as well as cut it and comb it and gel it and mousse it. They also keep their facial hair trimed neatly, they wear cologne AND deodorant and just pay much much more attention to their personal hygeine and grooming that heterosexual men do. I had been used to getting up in the morning, taking a shower, running my fingers through my hair and calling it good. I was informed that that was no longer going to be good enough.

I was also told that If I wanted to be queer that I would need to seriously upgrade my wardrobe as no self respecting fag would ever dress the way I do. I have always dressed for comfort, and not for style. If I had to do it, in order to be constantly surrounded by hot chicks, then I figured I could make that sacrifice. I could start wearing designer slacks instead of bib overalls. I could wear fine Italian shoes instead of beatup work boots. I could wear designer silk shirts with no grease stains on them instead of the Wal-Mart XXXL Fruit of the Loom T-Shirts I normally buy. I could do it for the super fine hot chicks. That's my new mantra. Just think of the Super Fine Hot Chicks.

I was told that in order to be Gay, I would have to get me a new s ride. Self respecting gay men don't drive around in old rust-bucket leaking smoking pickup trucks.

Once I did all of this stuff, then I would be ready to begin my new life as a fag and to be constantly surrounded by super fine hot chicks!

Then one of my fag buddies slipped and told me the reason WHY the super fine hot chicks like to hang around with homosexuals. It's because gay men are sensitive. Queers actually care about a woman's feelings. Fags Listen. They can empathize with a woman. Fags understand a bad hair day. Straight men figure that if you have hair, it's a good hair day. Fags know better. Straight men can't stand to listen to a woman whine for 6 straight hours about how her bitch of a co-worker showed up at the office party wearing the exact same pair of shoes as the super fine hot chick and did it on purpose just to make her look bad. and not only can the fag listen, the fag actually understands and cares.

You can't fake shit like that. I know. I have tried.

It was then and there that I realized my dreams of being surrounded by super fine hot chicks was just not going to happen. I might be willing to do some freaky-deeky stuff in the bedroom, I might be willing to do some freaky-deeky stuff in public if the money is right, but asking me to be sensitive and caring is just too damned much....even if it means being constantly surrounded by super fine hot chicks.

So the next time you run into a gay man in a bar, especially one surrounded by Super Fine Hot Chicks, go ahead and buy that man a beer. He deserves it. He works hard. He is performing a much needed community service. He's making this world a better place. He's being sensitive so you don't have to. Thank you Brother Fag, thank you from the bottom of our manly men hearts. Thank you for doing that horrible nasty job that so many of us straight men are incapable of doing. Thank you for being sensitive and caring. You make this world a better place. Thank you God for giving us fags.