I are a famous writer

Once upon a time I used to be a famous music journalist. My work appeared in such august publications as Cups magazine (the coffee one, not the porn one), Country Weekly, Country Music Magazine, CMT Magazine, Harp, Paste, American Songwriter, No Depression, and others. I would write amazingly insightful reviews about how someone's life's work sucked mighty morphing monkey ass and how they shouldn't give up their day job working at the Burger King. When I wasn't writing reviews, I was writing feature articles on only the most beautiful and talented people in the business. If I didn't write about you, then it must mean that you just ain't that beautiful or talented.

Now I ain't saying that I was the most talented writer who ever set out to destroy a career by putting pencil to paper, but I got to sit up there at the big table with the grownups, if you know what I mean. I never received a big-time literary award, primarily because most magazines I wrote for would cease publication shortly after I began to write for them. I can only assume it is because I raised the standard so high, that they knew it would be impossible to continue meeting it with all of those other hacks they had working for them.

I would like to be able to thank all the great editors in all the various publications, but since there is no such thing as a great editor, I can't. Editors exist for one purpose and one purpose only. To make your work look bad. Most editors are failed writers. Because they can't write, they get jealous when they run across anyone who can write. They should all burn in hell, roasted over a fire composed of their horrible editorial decisions. Fortunately, if you are an exceptionally gifted writer, like me perhaps, your brilliance can't be dimmed by even the most ham-fisted of editors.

One of the publications that I am the most proud of being able to write for was No Depression magazine. It was a niche publication primarily aimed at aging hipsters. It was targeted for the older white guys with glasses who didn't get laid a lot demographic. Kind of a Twang Music magazine for the hip replacement crowd. There were some good writers at that magazine. Not great writers, just good. Michael McCall, Barry Mazor, Grant Alden, David Cantwell, Bill Friskics-Warren, Brian Mansfield, Craig Havighurst, James "Slim" Kelly, Jon Weisberger, Peter Cooper, and Rick Cornell are just a few of the writers I let ride my coattail and whose careers I helped to nurture and guide. These people are all friends of mine, and not just because I would occasionally offer to lend them money or to pay their bail when they got locked up for public intoxication once again.

No Depression is another publication which has ceased printing, however, they do maintain a web presence. http://www.nodepression.com/ They've tried to create a web community with blogs and forums and stuff like that, but the best thing about that site, as well as the real reason for its existence, is teh Archives. They have gone through every issue of the magazine and archived my writings and placed them on the web http://archives.nodepression.com/author/jeff-wall/. After they did that, they were legally forced to archive all the other little whining assholes who had written for them as well in order to avoid some kind of Americans with Disabilities lawsuit or something. Even today, these people want to ride my coattails.

There is good stuff over there and you should definitely check it out.

http://www.nodepression.com/