Saturday, August 08, 2009

God Hates Shrimp & Sympathy for the Devil

This essay originally appeared on my MySpace blog about a year ago. I decided to revisit it, Edit it somewhat and repost it here. I hope you enjoy. Feel free to share it, feel free to comment, whether you agree with me or not.

What with California's Proposition 8, I've been thinking about Gay Marriage a lot as of late. There are a lot of people who tell me that Gay Marriage will undermine traditional marriage. I still haven't been able to wrap my head around that. How are gay married people going to be able to make me any possibly more of a miserable married man who has been forced into giving up his testicles and driving a minivan? Will it be from jealousy in seeing them actually able to enjoy themselves or something? I've been married for 17 years. I dated my wife for 2 years before I married her. My brother is gay and he has been in a committed relationship with his partner for just about the same amount of time. I don't see their house filled with sunshine and roses either, although to be fair, they do like pastels a lot more than I do.

Religion is a big deal here in the South. It shapes us from birth to death whether we count ourselves amongst the believers or not. We have more than our fair share of Christian Fundamentalists. One of our more popular sayings is "Praise the Lord and Pass the Snake". One of the main objections to Homosexual Marriage has been on religous grounds. I have heard many tell me personally that "God Hates Fags." Personally I don't feel that God hates anybody. When I mention that, I am told that God hates Sin and that Fags are Sinners so therefore God hates Fags. When I run across one of these Homo Hating Hallelujah Hollerers I tend to have fun with them.

(This is from an actual conversation with a friends Mom)

Me: What do you think of Homosexual Marriage?
Her: It's wrong, it's a sin.

Me: Why is it wrong? Why shouldn't gay people have the right to lose half their shit?
Her: It's wrong, it's a sin. Homosexual marriage would destroy traditional marriage.

Me: Really? How? How many times have you been married? How about your parents, are they still married? Is your preacher still on his first marriage? Did you know that more than 50% of marriages end in divorce? You want to know what is destroying Traditional Marriage? Divorce is.
Her: I don't care. God hates Homosexuality.

Me: Why exactly does God hate Homosexuality?
Her: Because it's a sin and God hates sin.

Me: Really? How do you know? Did Jesus ever speak out against Homosexuality?
Her: I'm sure he did somewhere.

Me: Really? Do you know where?
Her: It plainly states in the Bible that Homosexuality is a sin.

Me: Where did Jesus say that?
Do you know where it says that in the Bible??
Her: Not really.

Me: I'll help you out. It says something about that in the Old Testament in Leviticus 18:22 "Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination."
Her: Right, Just Like I told you. God hates Homosexuality.

Me: Butthat's teh Old Testament, in teh times before Jesus. You know what else it says in Leviticus?
Her: No What?

Me: That in God's eyes, eating Lobster, Shrimp, & Catfish is the same thing as a man having sex with another man.
Her: No Way.

Me: Way, Baby, Way.
Leviticus 11:9-12 says:
9 These shall ye eat of all that are in the waters: whatsoever hath fins and scales in the waters, in the seas, and in the rivers, them shall ye eat.
10 And all that have not fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living thing which is in the waters, they shall be an abomination unto you:
11 They shall be even an abomination unto you; ye shall not eat of their flesh, but ye shall have their carcasses in abomination.
12 Whatsoever hath no fins nor scales in the waters, that shall be an abomination unto you.

So therefore God hates Shrimp and Homosexuality. What do you think about lesbians?

Her: That's a sin too.

Me: Really? Where is that at in the Bible? It Leviticus, it only talks about Men laying with Men, it doesn't say anything about two women laying together. It doesn't mention lesbians in the Bible. It kind of infers it in the Book of Ruth, but that's because Ruth wore comfortable shoes and liked flannel, if you know what I mean.

Her: (standing up and yelling) You know what, I've heard about you. YOU'RE THE DEVIL!!! My preacher told us that the Devil would one day appear before us and he would be able to quote scripture better than even our preacher would!! YOU"RE THE DEVIL!!!!

Me: No I ain't the Devil, but I never thought the Devil got the respect that he deserved.

Her: What?

Her: Let me put this in terms you can understand. Where would the Batman be without The Joker or the Penguin? Just another hot guy hanging out in a leather bar getting his freak on. You see, the Devil performs an important role. Without the Devil you wouldn't have Sin. Without Sin there would be no need of Salvation. With no need for Salvation, Jesus wouldn't have needed to die, in fact we wouldn't even have needed a Jesus. You can't have a good guy without also having a bad guy. You got to have balance. A Ying and a Yang.

By this time she was turning purple.

The Moral? I have a lot of issues with Religion, especially all the people who profess to speak for Jesus or to talk in His name.It's been enough to turn me away from the Church. However, I like Jesus. I like Jesus a lot. I think Jesus was a great teacher. Jesus would have been/was a great Buddhist thinker. Jesus told us to to love everybody. He didn't specify race, religion, economic class, political affiliation, etc. He just said to Love. He also said not to judge each other. Period. You shouldn't judge, your preacher shouldn't judge, nobody should judge. God is the only one who has the right to judge any of us. He talked of Karma, what goes around comes around. You may recognize it as the Golden Rule. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

If you are going to follow the teachings of a messiah or prophet, then you need to follow ALL of their teachings, and not just pick and choose the ones that fit your agenda, especially not pick and choose and use them out of context. That's just flat out misrepresentation and lying. If you go look through the New Testament and forget all about Peter, John, Paul, George, and Ringo and just focus on the teachings of Jesus you will see that Jesus taught PEACE, LOVE, FORGIVENESS, ACCEPTANCE, HUMILITY and COMPASSION.

Regardless of your religious beliefs, those are pretty good ideals to work toward. Peace, Love, Forgiveness, Acceptance, Humility, & Compassion.

What would Jesus say about Homosexuality? I personally think that He would look past the gender identification and focus on the core principle behind marriages of all types. Love and Commitment, and how can Love and Commitment be a sin?

Visit http://www.godhatesshrimp.com
Posted by at 2:37 PM
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What do you think? 

3 comments:

  1. Read the book of Romans The first chap
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  2. Romans 3:23 All have sinned and come short of the Glory of God.Including those who practice immoral behavior such as any kind of sexual immorality and those who practice homosexual behavior do not have exemption. This whole desire of God is that through His Son Jesus we would be really saved from our self righteous behavior and all immorality through our savior Jesus. You can argue your points and start to agree with those that you want to love and actually fellowship with them especially when they are in your family but love has truth or it is not real love. Truth is Holy and has a spirit of holiness from God with it. Any perversion from the truth is unholy and can be in that spirit accepted and even defended, but it will never change God or His truth being rightly divided from ruling forever. It is us who must really repent and be converted and it is us who will benefit from the change from unholy to holy before God and with His strength learn to do right now that we are right with Him through His savior Jesus.
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  3. But where did Jesus himself speak out against Homosexuality? Paul made some obscure references to Homosexuality, but Bible scholars who have studied the original texts in Hebrew, Greek, and Aramaic all differ on what it was Paul actually said and what it is he actually meant.

    As a Christian, whose teachings take priority? Paul or Jesus? Is it the job of followers of the Christ's teachings to judge others and to exclude those who we find lacking in any way?

    As for morality, who determines what morality is? In some cultures, Nudity is the norm, it is accepted and is considered no big deal, in others, such as the United States of America, the glimpse of a woman's nipple on a Super Bowl show is considered immoral yet the selling of Erectile Dysfunction medications, as well as Penile Enlargement products is the norm. We flinch at the slightest hint of nudity or sexuality yet calmly ignore and accept the wholesale killing of men, women, and children in Darfur. Which is the greater sin?

    In my lifetime, Interracial marriage was considered an immoral act and the Bible was used to oppose it. The Ku Klux Klan also used the bible to support their actions as did Jim Jones, and over 900 of his followers who all felt that they were following the Bible and the Word of God.

    Since the beginning of Time, people have invoked God's name for all number of vile and unholy acts.Christianity, a religion that is supposed to be built upon love and compassion for others is no exception. From the original Crusades where on a 2000 mile journey from Germany to Jerusalem where just about every Jew encountered was hacked into pieces or burned alive, all in God's name. Then there was the 3rd Crusade where Richard the Lionhearted had 3000 captives from the town of Acre, Israel (many of whom were women and children) killed, while Bishops watched and gave Blessings. A crusade took place against Albigenses Christians in southern France. When it was all said and done soldiers reportedly asked their papal adviser how to distinguish the faithful from the infidel among the captives. The Emissary of God replied: "Kill them all. God will know his own." Nearly 20,000 people were slaughtered -- many first blinded, mutilated, dragged behind horses, or used for target practice. Because that's what God wanted done, because they were the wrong kind of Christians. Then there was the Inquisitions, Oliver Cromwell's actions against the Catholics in Ireland, the 30 year war, Christianity being brought to the Indians of North and Central America even if it killed them which it often did.

    Protestants are no less guilty than Catholics in their crimes against others in God's name. Segregation was God's Will, the same as the current stance toward Homosexuality.

    All of this and more have been done in God's name, however, Jesus never spoke of torture and killing in his name. Jesus' primary message was that of Love. I believe that in working toward equal rights for all peoples, homosexual, straight, white, black, hispanic male, female, etc, etc, and breaking bread and fellowshipping with these people and accepting them and treating them as my equals (which they are, since they are fellow children of God) that I am carrying on the work and teachings of Jesus, those of Love, Acceptance, Tolerance, Forgiveness, Humility and Kindness.

    God can judge everyone when He decides that it is the proper time for doing so. Judging others is not my job, instead, I believe that emulating the actions and teachings of Jesus of Nazareth is.

    By condemning homosexuals and homosexuality, I am usurping God, which in my eyes is a form of blasphemy.
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