NAVY #05 Dentists Suck

Another piece originally written back in 1996.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Dentists Suck

One of the benefits of being in the Military is full Dental and Medical coverage. We even have our own Doctors and Dentists. This is not necessarily a good thing however. Any Doctor or Dentist worth his salt would have a private practice where they could buy a new BMW every month and play Golf every Wednesday. I hate going to the Dentist. In fact, I would rather get shot in the leg than go to the Dentist. I would rather piss on an electric fence... again, but sometimes, you just have to go.

I had a tooth ripped out today.

Goddamned Navy Dentist said "This won't hurt"

If I'd had a gun with me, I would have shot that fucker.

I had this wisdom tooth that was growing in sideways and the roots were connected somewhere near my ass. The Dentist shot me up full of Novocain and then pulled out a pair of Vise grips. He latched onto that tooth and started tugging. It felt like he was trying to turn me inside out.

Yanking on it wasn't working, so he decides to drill for awhile. He starts drilling and I start jerking in the chair and yelling.

"Is there something wrong?" he asks.

like I could tell him with half of the Hardware department from Sears sticking out of my mouth. I'm thinking "No you asshole. Just because you drilled a hole into my fucking brain, And I'm laying here screaming at the top of my lungs and doing the goddamned Macarena, what the fuck could possibly be wrong?"

After he cuts and drills for a couple of hours, he takes a hammer and breaks the damned tooth into little pieces. He then reaches in and starts pulling out the chunks along with most of my spine. I really wanted him to take that hammer and give me a couple of whacks in the forehead. I needed some relief. The damned Novocain wasn't doing it.

Once he got done, he looked at me and asked "Now that wasn't so bad was it?" No, I guess not. Not if you compare it to get your nuts caught in a wood chipper.

God, I hate Dentists.