NAVY #03 California ain't necessarily the Promised Land

I got transferred to San Francisco California, Mare Island to be exact and checked into my command. Mare Island is located in the town of Vallejo, right ta the entrance to Napa Valley. I got in my truck, tried to run over some wildlife, then immediately went out looking for a new girlfriend. I found one that was a definite possibility. She was cute, we got along well, and she had severe mental and psychological problems. Just the kind of things I like in a woman. There was only one tiny catch. She liked me, but she wouldn't sleep with me. That's because she said that I was equipped wrong. It turns out that she was a lesbian, of course, that made her even more attractive to me. I can't believe that I didn't notice when we first met. Comfortable shoes, Flannel shirts, giant strap-on penis. I figured that if I tried hard enough, I could cure her of her homosexuality, so I threw my moves on her and she laughed at me. She then informed me that she was more woman than I could handle and more man than I would ever be, and if I didn't believe it, she had that giant strap-on penis to prove it. I decided to just take her word for it. We became good friends and would run around together a lot. It was cool, we both had the same taste in women...we liked them breathing.

I eventually met a woman who actually liked having sex with men. I fell for her like a ton of bricks. She fell for me as well. It was nothing but heat and hormones. She couldn't keep her hands off of me! The problem was... she had a husband. He was a pretty good guy too. This was a change. I liked this guy and considered him a friend, but I wa sin LOVE. I was stumbling around, walking into trees in love. Never mind that she used to be an expensive call girl and would describe various kinky sexual practices that she was expert at, things that I had never even heard of, much less tried before. Never mind that she kept promising me all types of orgasmic delights that most men can only read about in magazines. I never did sleep with her, but damn I wanted too. It took every bit of will power I possessed yo not end up in bed with her. Her husband was overseas doing something dangerous as an explosive expert. While he was gone, his wife and I were hot and heavy. No sex, but not because she didn't try. I would meet her for lunch and she would come to the door naked, things like that. We were always together. Like I said, we were in love. She told me she was going to leave her husband and that we would live together and be happy forever. He sent for her and she went overseas to tell him that she wanted a divorce. I wrote to her everyday, and she would write back faithfully. When they both got back, she sent a message that she needed to see me. We met and she told me what a scumbag I was, how I took advantage of her and ruined her life. She also told me that she had never had any intention of leaving her husband, she just had a high sex drive and wanted a fuckbuddy while he was gone. Once again, my heart was broken. But at least this time, my record collection was intact.

I ended up in therapy of this one. I remember that shortly afterwards, my D-18 was stolen. I really went off teh deep end then. I remember calling a friend on the payphone with a handful of quarters in one hand and my .45 in the other. Thankfully he answered the phone and talked me off that particular ledge. I ended up swapping that pistol for a guitar. I haven't owned a pistol since. Life can really suck sometimes. I still miss that guitar, even though I can't remember the girl's name.

Right about the same time she was telling everybody in the world what a loser I was, I picked up a ship that was headed out to sea. I had never done a Western Pacific cruise before. We visited Hawaii, the Philippines, Australia, and Singapore. There was lots of opportunity for me to sin, and I was quite good at sinning, but I had renounced pleasures of the flesh. I was mad at my dick for all the times it kept trying to get me killed. That wasn't all I was mad about, it was bad enough that my dick kept putting my life in jeopardy, but when the little sumbitch kept putting my record collection in jeopardy too, that was more than I could stand.

Australia is reported to be a paradise for men. The women there outnumber the guys something like 2000 - 1 (or so the rumor goes). I, however, behaved. No chicks and no drinking. Instead, I hooked up with a musician named Jim Fisher who put me up on his couch for a few days. He introduced me to his neighbor, former Asleep at the Wheel Steel Guitarist Lucky Oceans and I got to hang out and play a little music. In Singapore, I hung out with a bunch of Europeans, stayed in a Youth Hostel with them and toured the country. The Philippines were boring for a man who doesn't drink or whore around, and of course I was a pious and pure young man. That is until I hit Hong Kong. In Hong Kong, I met a beautiful young English girl who tried to kill me from a horizontal position. It seemed to be just the thing we both needed. No commitments, just living for the moment, enjoying each other and each others bodies. I spent eight days in Hong Kong and probably only wore clothing for two hours tops. She wasn't crazy, wasn't strung out, had never been a hooker, and had never been married. A long term relationship would have never worked with anyone that healthy and normal.

After my ship returned from the six month cruise of the Western Pacific, we headed up towards Seattle for a 2 year shipyard period. I was still without a relationship. At least without a relationship that lasted for more than two hours and involved anything more than getting naked with each other. This was all about to change. As I was walking around Bremerton, I saw THE ONE. She had long red hair and the cutest butt I had ever seen before in my life. I immediately began the pursuit. I remember the first time I saw her up close, I was awestruck. She remembers it differently. She said she felt like a piece of meat in the presence of a hungry lion. After lots of begging on my part, we went out on a date. All the way to Denny's for a cup of coffee. She was a high class girl. Eventually, we started hanging out and running around together. She liked being my friend, but that was about it. She told me that I wasn't her type. She was attracted to well built, muscular, good looking, dark haired guys, Not big goofy assed, tall fat, slovenly, blond guys who probably had a tiny penis. I told her that she was my type, and she said she already knew. She met my two qualifications, she had a heartbeat and tits.

We kind of dated. That is we did a lot of stuff together. We hung out. I quickly fell in love with her. Every time I would tell her that I loved her, she would look at me and tell me "I loath you too." This woman was somehow different than any of the other women I had ever fallen for. First off, she wasn't married. She showed me the Divorce decree in fact. She was flat broke but she didn't care. She had enough cash to feed herself and her son and keep the bills paid, what else did she really need? She wasn't after my record collection because she thought my taste in music sucked. She didn't need a man, except for maybe once every three or four months to do some heavy lifting. She enjoyed my company but didn't have to be with me every second. This was the weirdest relationship I had ever been in. We ended up being really good friends.

The next thing I knew, I had made E-6 and we were living together. in fact, we had been together for two years. I had never been with a woman for more than six months tops in my life. I decided that if she could put up with my sorry ass for that long, I had better marry her. I popped the question at the most romantic place I could think of, JC Penney's. How we did it was we went to J.C. Penney's and I picked out a cheap engagement ring. She said she didn't want a diamond, that they were overpriced, and a waste of money. Cubit Zirconium looked just as good and only a jeweler or a pawn shop could tell the difference between a CZ and a real diamond. When we went outside to smoke a cigarette, I got on my knees and asked her to marry me. She didn't reply immediately. She just stood there stared at me, smoked her cigarette and thought about it. Then she told me that she might as well, she didn't have anything else pressing right at the moment.

We got married in 1992 and are still married today. There have been good times and bad times. Some of both have been self generated. I have done everything in my power to sabotage things a time or two, but we have always worked things out. The weird thing is that each day we are together, I fall in love just a little bit more.

Shortly after we got married, I ended up as a Navy Recruiter in Missouri. Who's bright idea was this? I have a major problem with authority figures. I don't look pretty in a uniform, and I am not what you would call politically correct. The Navy couldn't have put a more unsuitable person in that particular position if they had used a computer and a team of experts to pick him. I did okay as a recruiter, but I hated the job. I was unwilling to lie to kids just to be able to make my numbers. The weird thing is, I didn't have to. I started getting awards for recruiting. I made goal consistently, was the top minority Nuclear Power recruiter in the District (you try recruiting young black kids in rural Missouri.) Eventually I was made Recruiter in Charge of the Station and the station made our yearly goal for the first time in years earning me more awards. Recruiting was killing me. It was having a horrible effect upon my marriage, the stress was getting to me, and I was ready to go back to sea.

I got caught up in a bullshit political struggle while on Recruiting Duty that almost ended my career. I had never been good at playing politics and had no desire to play this time either. I was advised to raise Holy Hell and get some Admirals involved in my case, but I had faith in the system. I hadn't done anything wrong, so I felt that I had nothing to worry about. Unfortunately, guilt or innocence was of no import. A statement needed to be made and someone needed to be a sacrificial lamb, and my head was the one on the chopping block. When I went to Captain's Mast, My CO told me that I was done as a Recruiter and that she was recommending that I go back out to sea. I'm still not sure if that was supposed to be a punishment or a reward. All I know is that it was a happy happy day when I got orders to a ship in Norfolk Virginia.

Sailors are made to be on ships, Ships are made to be at Sea, and Land is nothing but a Navigational Hazard.